Pointless Rant

It's not that I think I can't do it. It's not like I haven't done it before. I know i'll be lonely, but I spent 16 years that way and i'm pretty sure I can handle whatever else gets thrown at me, as far as being lonely goes. It's the instability. It's not knowing whats going to happen ever, at any given moment. I have a control problem, I know this. For someone who likes to control every aspect of their life as much as humanly possible, Army life is TOUGH. Tough cookies. I'm bothered how a Sgt. Major, someone pretty high up there, can make an official announcement spanning an entire battalion that the mission is OFF, officially 100% cancelled. Only 5 hours later to turn around and call another battalion formation and say "OOPS, read the paperwork wrong guys, you ARE going! And you are on 2 hour recall!" I'm sorry? How does one misread paperwork that thoroughly? What an idiot. ::sigh:: Whatever. 14 more years of this? Seriously? It's been a long time since i've had one of those "I hate the Army, let's not extend and get out while we still can" moments, but I am totally having one now. I think there comes a moment (maybe several of them?) in every Army wife's life when you realize that your entire hopes and dreams are dependent on your husbands career. Honestly, how far can you get following your dream when you have to take breaks for deployments, training, schools, late nights, early mornings, parenting on your own...? These feelings will probably have subsided by tomorrow, I never stay angry for very long. But right now i'm just jaded. I'm questioning this lifestyle and everything it entails. I'm wishing that my husband went to work at 8 in the morning and came home at 5 in the evening. I'm wishing we could plan vacations whenever we wanted to, and the comfort of knowing he won't miss another recital because a 19 year old PFC needs babysitting. I'm wishing for all of these simple little things that i'm not sure we will ever have. My husband is in love with his career and I could never ask him to give that up. How could I? He's worked so hard and for so long. But another 14 years........of this. I'm not sure I will last. Atleast not with an ounce of sanity.